Go to the local grocery store, and by local I mean the one closer to your apartment where the produce costs more.
Have an internal debate about whether sweet potatoes and yams are the violin and fiddle of the root vegetable world. are they the same thing? is it all in the way you eat them? i just don’t know.
Buy the sweet potatoes because that’s all the store has and you knew this all along, so why did you debate it you foolish king of the fools?
Make sure all of the swams (calling it this since you’ve now decided they are the same thing) are different shapes and sizes. This helps ensure that they won’t cook evenly. And that Gordan Ramsey will get so so mad at you.
Cook them unevenly. Remember, the key is in making sure your eaters have options. Do you like your root vegetables well-done? Do you like them MUSH? WELL GOOD. We’ve got it all.
Peel them, making sure to burn your fingerprints off in the process. This will help make you harder to track down later when the unsatisfied eaters try to hunt you down.
Cut them, also unevenly. Some people have tiny mouths. And remember, there’s still more cooking to do, so go back to step 5, the rock or mush step.
Layer in a pan. But make sure the pan is too big. Because you want them to move around a lot and you want all the toppings to run off an form a useless pool in the corner.
COVER WITH LOTS OF BUTTER, BROWN SUGAR, MAPLE SYRUP, MORE BROWN SUGAR, AND EVEN MORE BUTTER. no seriously, drown it in the stuff. Rest easy knowing this makes everything better.
Cook swams in these sugary buttery syrupy juices until you can be assured that you have stripped the unsuspecting root vegetable of any possible nutritional value.
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